E-mail Subscription

Receive an e-mail notification of new posts on this site:

Help For Your Depression - Help For Your Depression

Hello fellow travelers out there in mental health land! How does this day find you? Are you enjoying this blessed day and learning to accept yourself for who you are and taking life as it comes? Or have you fallen prey to your own humanness and found yourself dangling through the cracks of the ill fated mental health system? Well, keep your head up high my comrades, for the mental health field has come a long way since the days of chaining people to the walls. I mean after all, there will always be some sort of stigma attached to mental health, because if you really try and break it all down, this is all in our heads. And there are those among us who feel that people who need to see a psychiatrist, ought to have their head examined. So here’s the deal, if you are bipolar, and you have substance abuse in your history, let’s face it, your just a drunk and or addict. Take care of those main problems, and you should be okay.

I always wonder about the bad rap folks with bipolar get. They always seem to start drinking and drugging when they stop taking the meds. There is an important question that is rarely addressed; why do they stop taking the meds? For some, they might feel as though they are cured and no longer need to take the meds, then there are those that may feel as though the meds are increasing the symptoms, making the mania worse, the anxiety worse, the irritability worse, and even though using alcohol and drugs may not be the answer, and we can whole heartedly admit truth by our own past experiences of taking this road over and over again, however relief is relief, no matter how short it may be, there is some sort of release from the pain and suffering.

I am not too concerned with all the new meds and all the new studies that have been done because it is all hogwash when it gets applied to different lives.
My doctor referred me to a “Specialist” on bipolar. This particular doctor doesn’t have bipolar so if they are in fact a specialist, I don’t know how affective they would be.
Medication has always been a sore spot for me personally. I have never responded well to any medication, at least long term. Six months is the longest that they last until things start going haywire. I experience thoughts and feelings that are far worse than what I originally began taking the medication for. When we arrive at this juncture, I sometimes wonder if we get too whacked out to determine which way is up and we lose the ability to be our own advocates while losing the ability to gain a different perspective that could help us get by with out the added side effects and side effects from the side effects.
Either way, I have come to this crossroads again.

oh lawdy, lawdy help me

I told my new doctor that sometimes meds do not make things better or worse, they just seem to make them different. Her response was, “That is a good choice of words, and they SEEM to make things different”.
Perhaps I can use the perspective I have gained from a clear mind and realize that the mere thought of going back on medication only seems to be the answer to help me get through this rough crossroads. This is not the same crossroads as before, it only seems that way.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Bipolar Depression, Stress, Medication for Depression, Natural Remedies for Depression

Email this Post to a Friend

Sad? I dont know

March 24th 2009 06:04

I don’t know about you but the past few days I have been waking up extremely depressed.
My head actually hurts and my body hurts as well. Maybe it is just some funky biological thing that is going around because everyone I know seems to be feeling the same way. Living here in wonderful beautiful New England we are blessed with four seasons and this winter seems as though it has lasted much longer than usual. We also have the daylight savings time thing going on that really twists up most folks body clocks. Then of course there is SAD.Seasonal affective disorder. Now I don’t know how this diagnosis came about, I am not a big advocate of doing research because it always comes up inconclusive. Even the most in depth, well funded research performed by the latest and the greatest psychologists and psychiatrists are often followed by the famous words: I Don’t Know?

Could it be that depression is seasonal? Makes sense. There's baseball season, football season, and depression season.
It could very well be that people who are diagnosed with SAD have always had some sort of depression but they never acknowledged it because it never became an issue with them until they began feeling the symptoms that would start to make their life a little difficult to manage. It could be that they always felt somewhat “down” but were able to plow through it. Personally, I’ve always felt depressed. I am what I like to call naturally depressed. There are those that claim that it is my negative thinking that makes me depressed. I agree. To a certain extent. The thing is, even while thinking positive, I still feel depressed at times. Guess it just sucks to be me.

WHOA IS ME

This probably is a bad time to talk about this condition because it is almost April and we already have more sunlight. But these are some hard times we are going through these days. Just going out and about in public can be a harrowing experience. People always looked so pissed off and miserable to me ever since I can remember, but when economic insecurity hits, people get real ugly. Depression can turn to anger and anger to rage and people just aint all that much fun to be around. Depression is anger turned inward. Negative thoughts can be lethal. If something doesn’t go our way we do whatever we can to make it so. When it still doesn’t go our way we try even harder and fight to the end. That is the key for me. To stop fighting.

When negative thoughts come, they often blindside us and we blackout and act and think the way we always did. As I grow older I have become very aware of what I am thinking and how much my thinking affects my feelings, and how those feelings grow to trigger even bigger thoughts of negativity. I used to think that I spiraled down into a depression, but what really happens is it builds up and grows bigger and snowballs into a huge glacier of twisted emotions and feelings that keep me paralyzed, sometimes for days or weeks or even months at a clip. This sort of thinking can really do damage and we are always the last to know. It’s not that we are doing anything wrong; it might not even be that there is anything wrong with us mentally or physically, yet it can lead into a full blown mental illness that can do some severe damage. The key is awareness. It is very difficult to attempt to sort out our feelings, thoughts, and emotions when we are medicated. Some feelings are going to hurt, and some of our emotions are going to be intense, and crazy racy thoughts will pop into our heads at times. We cant control it. But we can come to realize that this is the way it is supposed to be.
My doctor wanted me to go on another type of medication. She explained that there were practically no side effects, that’s what she said about the last medication I was on that caused me a great deal of anxiety. She came to the conclusion that I was the only one that had experienced that kind of side effect. I asked her if I could get some sort of gold star for this rare experience with this medication, because I gotta tell y’all, it really tipped my life over for a few months!
But the gold star is the experience itself. Perhaps the medication was what I needed to get me through. It is clear to me now that it was something I just had to go through and it has given me a different perspective on life. Because this is your life. Take it or leave it. It gets better if we let it!

Keep the faith

Vote

Comments (1)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Bipolar Depression, Symptoms of Depression, Medication for Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder

Email this Post to a Friend

we have nothing to fear but ourselves

March 1st 2009 09:12

Fear is a funny thing.It can be the central emotion that all the other emotions are born from.
It usually is the culprit behind any major depression and the main motivator when it comes to addiction and alcoholism.It does either one of two things: It motvates or it devastates.
I always laugh when I hear people refer to their fears as healthy.I suppose that some fears could be considered as healthy, such as having a fear of getting eaten by a lion because that wouldn't be very healthy.

dont be skeee-red!

Perhaps what they mean is staying away from things that are bad for you.Sometimes we have problems doing that.More is never enough and even though something might make our lives unmanageable, we will fight it to the end.
That is an example when fear could motivate.Doing the same thing over and over and getting very negative results could lead us into a motivation to change our behavior.
Fear can also devastate by not changing.I can relate to that one because I happen to be facing a crossroads in my recovery.It is time to move forward and fear is holding me back.It is keeping me from doing what I need to do to get to where I need to be.It is comfortable to stay where I am because fear tells me I am not ready to make a change.I feel as though I am walking through quicksand and getting nowhere and sinking fast.It almost feels like there needs to be this leap of faith, yet the faith I have is fleeting.It comes and it goes.Kinda wishy-washy based upon past experiences that didn not turn out as planned or as expected.
It feels as though I an on an assembly line where everyhing keeps coming at me at a high rate of speed and I end up falling behind, but it just keeps coming.There is nothing left to do but to run away and hide!

brave sir robin chickened out

The fear of not knowing how things will turn out.Did I make the righ decision?Whats going to happen to me?I need to know!
I like it when I am in famiiar territory where everybody is friendly.It really builds my self esteem and I feel good about myself.But to venture outside my little place of safeness can be a scary thing.The world is such a nasty place and very unforgiving.I'll be mashed!
One thing I have come to realize is I can not face this alone.I don't know how I got to thinking that I am supposed to be equipped to face life on lifes terms all on my own.I should know how to do this even though I have never done it before, but I SHOULD know!

Bringing my fears out into the light doesn't make them go away.They will always be there.But talking about them and working through them is better than fighting them.
I also know that I am not the only one that feels this emotion.Just because we may have depression and addiction doesn't mean that we are the only ones that feel it.It could be debated that we may feel it more intense than others, yet I think that remains to be seen.I never question another persons pain or fears.It is easy for me to be on the sidelines yelling for them to just face it!I have no idea what they are feeling.I can only imagine what they must be feeling based upon my own experiences.And the best thing that can be done is to just continue to share our own exoeriences with others so they don't feel so isolated and alone because isolation can be devastating.
It is always nice to have a safe place that we can go to,a comfort zone.I always looked for that fom the outside.These days I am starting to see that the safe zone is in me, by slowly accepting myself for who and what I am,I can continue to move on and know that no matter what,I am going to be alright.

Vote

Comments (1)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Clinical Depression

Email this Post to a Friend

the recovery path

February 28th 2009 06:58

There are times when depression has a way of seeping into every area of life. First it just affects us personally, causing a change in moods and then a change in outlook on life. It can start to cripple by depleting any energy to do the things that need we need to do in order to get through every day. It continues to get bigger as the depression escalates into anger and our actions begin to tear down the lives we had worked so hard to build. Not getting to work on time can cause trouble at work and we may get verbal warnings. This does not help self esteem and we begin to sink further by calling out of work, to eventually losing the job by walking out or being fired. Our relationships with others start to get strained and nobody seems to be on our side. We begin to feel there is nowhere to turn so the only thing left to do is to turn to the old friends booze and drugs.
After a few bad episodes of drinking, one might find themselves in the emergency room after a rough night of heavy drinking, locked in the drunk tank for hours and sometimes days on end waiting to see a psychiatrist or someone that resembles a psychiatrist. Social workers are the ones that sometimes step in and get us into a rehab if we have insurance.
We go through a detox and decide to go to AA meetings again, even though we have not been able stay sober for any period of time.
[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Bipolar Depression, Symptoms of Depression, Chronic Depression, Clinical Depression

Email this Post to a Friend

Parochial Pinocchio

October 5th 2008 02:03

Growing up, it was required for us to go to catechism. On Saturday mornings, my brother and I would walk to the corner and wait for the bus to come pick us up and bring us to the church.
I wasn’t too cool with school. I was terrified of kindergarten. Not because of the teachers, I was fearful of the social implications that school represented. So having to take a bus on Saturday mornings to go to a parochial school to learn about religion was traumatic for me. It is my theory that for some of us, catechism could eventually lead to alcoholism, or any of the other ism’s.
[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (2)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Bipolar Depression

Email this Post to a Friend

1 Plus 2 Equilibrium

October 4th 2008 05:24

Standing at the counter in Staples, watching people making copies, walking through the aisles, buying office supplies. A very anxious looking middle aged guy was losing his patience with an older gentleman before him at the copy machine. Mr. anxious was zooming about, walking very fast as if he had more to do than anyone else. As I watched him zoom out the door like a duck that just snorted crystal meth, I turned to see a kind looking gentleman walking in. He was hurried, yet he had a calmness about him. As I watched him walk by, he said hello to the girl behind the counter, it was obvious he had been there numerous times. Gotta stop by Staples and get a few things done, say hi to Maria, Same time everyday, you know the drill. He had a leather organizer that was impeccably organized: I guess that’s why they call them organizers. A place for everything, and everything in its place. He was neat as a pin. I looked down at the two pages I had faxed and the ball point pen that I got from, uh, where did I get that pen? Oh yeah! It just turned up in my car and I’ve been using it for the past six months. It’s my car pen. It cannot leave the car. Damn, am I organized or what? I looked back at the calm gentleman. Now there’s a guy that you can call a gentleman. Cuz he’s gentle. I thought about how he came to be who he was. Obviously a lot of work.

a day in the life

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Bipolar Depression, Stress, Symptoms of Depression

Email this Post to a Friend

Which Way To Sanity

October 3rd 2008 04:00

A dear friend of mine just released a CD. The song "Which way to sanity" is my favorite. It is a great song that he recorded years ago, yet it is just coming out now .I guess there is a time and a place for everything. We have been talking the past week and it is scary how our lives cross paths. We come in and out. Usually when things are bad, he calls. It is always good to hear from a great friend, especially when I can get to his sense of humor that brings out my sense of humor and we end up rolling on the floor laughing.
Like most of us, he has been through the emotional ringer. These days, I have been asking the same thing. Which way to sanity?
I am not going to get into my own tales of woe, but: WOE!

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (1)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Symptoms of Depression, The "Holiday Blues", Chronic Depression

Email this Post to a Friend

Death, Grief, & Heartache

July 31st 2008 18:49

When my father died, it was almost a spiritual experience. I felt a sense of strength even though it was a great loss. I had some regrets of the past when we went almost two years without any contact. However, I was there for him at the end, taking him to his doctor appointments. I knew deep down that he was near death and it was a painful experience that for some reason I had a great deal of acceptance.

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (3)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Symptoms of Depression

Email this Post to a Friend

Obsession

July 29th 2008 17:15

Obsession can rule your life. It is probably among the top five behaviors, along with resentment, anger, fear, and pride that can be devastating. These emotions can be the primary cause of obsessive thoughts. Trying to chase a thought out that keeps playing over in your mind can be exhaustive. There are many ways to deal with obsession, but the only way these work is by constant vigilance.
There are those that claim that keeping busy, even with the most mundane tasks can help get your mind off the obsession. My experience has been both negative and positive with keeping busy. Work is a four letter word for me. I truly wish I was obsessed with some sort of “career”. I can’t relate to those that are workaholics. They are fortunate that they have found something to be passionate about, but it can also be a way of not dealing with painful feelings. The obsessions that I get are always very unhealthy and dangerous to my recovery. I was doing landscaping during a difficult time in my life, and one day my job was to weed a huge garden. Not only was it extremely hot that day, but it was the kind of mindless work that is great for letting those thoughts get way out of control. I felt as though I was in a prison of my own deep dark thoughts with no way out. I even experienced a few mild panic attacks and the only way I could deal with it was to take a break and go get a drink of water. I thought that taking a break would help clear my thoughts, but I realized that those thoughts followed me wherever I went. It’s the old saying that “No matter where you go, there you are“. There is no escape and everything you try seems to fail. Alcohol, cocaine, and weed were once old friends that I could count on to pull me through, but there came a point where even they let me down, in fact they made it worse by magnifying the thoughts 10 fold.
[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Bipolar Depression, Symptoms of Depression, Chronic Depression, Clinical Depression, Social Anxiety

Email this Post to a Friend

Emotional Rescue

July 29th 2008 02:37

During the course of a minute, my brain is processing so much information at lightening speed. It actually makes my head spin. It’s like four seasons in one day, especially if there is a lot going on in my life. Back in the 90’s, I was hospitalized four times in a three month period, all in the same facility. It was my home away from home. The staff used to have this group every afternoon that was designed to help patients cope with their illness by attempting to educate them. There we were, listening to a woman wearing cheap costume jewelry talk about how stress can cause depression. So, if stress causes depression, one would think that you need to cut out as much stress in your life. That isn’t always possible for some people. The key is realizing when the emotions are rising, and be aware that you are heading for a storm. Although back in 1996, that storm lasted for almost ten years and tore apart a perfectly good marriage. The main problem may be fighting these natural emotions. If you let those feelings and thoughts get the best of you, it can lead to a fall into a deep whole that you may never get out of. This is the point where the pain is so bad, that some actually take their lives. I have tried to take my life several times, none of which were successful: At least as far as I know.

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: Bipolar Depression, Stress, Chronic Depression, Clinical Depression, Natural Remedies for Depression

Email this Post to a Friend

July 2009

1 Posts

March 2009

2 Posts

February 2009

1 Posts