jimmy jamesAnger turned inside out
July 4th 2008 13:15
Anger can be a devastating emotion, especially to those that are in recovery from alcohol and or drugs. The fuel feeds the fire that can lead to actions that we may later regret. When it comes on, we feel the need to act out to relieve the conflict inside us. Most of the time we just lash out expecting to feel better, almost like a knee-jerk reaction to things that twist us up. The most dangerous part of anger is resentment. Resentments are like anger over and over again, reliving the anger, playing it over in our heads like a broken record, nothing seems to make it stop. That is where the anger can turn to rage. Talk about devastation. Some of us can actually go into blackouts from the rage. It seems to come out of nowhere because the next thing we know, we are acting out on those deep dark thoughts that roll around in our head. I am sure we have all heard that depression is anger turned inward, that may or may not be true. Most of the time, anger is brought on by fear. A fear of facing something that we don’t want to face, or a fear of not knowing where we are going in our lives, economic insecurity, growing up, they are all driven by fear. Not being in control and not knowing what is going to happen next can terrorize us. It is very easy to say to someone that is going through a great deal of anger, “let it go, why are you holding on to this? Don’t let it get the best of you”. And then something happens to us and we realize that we should follow our own advice. Whenever I hear somebody talking about their anger, I listen very close to what they are saying and I always find that I can relate to them in so many ways. You‘re experiences are your own. I never tell someone to get over his or her resentments for numerous reasons. First, it does not really help anyone, I know it never helped me, and second, I do not want to get my teeth knocked out!
How do we deal with it? One thing that I have to work on is trying not to personalize things that people say or do. Yes, there are instances where people do mess with you, but the key is to be aware of the traps. Most of the time, people are not out to get us. You never know what people have gone through during the course of the day. Maybe they lost a job, or they had a fight with their spouse. They could have a parent that is dying or maybe they just had one of those days and WHAM! Some little thing, maybe a broken shoelace is enough to set them off. There are many ways to relieve anger and stress. Eat the right foods, exercise, talk to a friend about what pisses us off, but the main problem lies in nipping things in the bud. It can be healthy to let someone they are doing something wrong. Most people look the other way; the best thing to do is confront them, not in a hostile way, but in a way where you let them know that something aint right! Most of the time, if we keep this stuff to ourselves and not mention anything, we run it repeatedly in our heads and the next thing we know we have a resentment. Those paralyzing resentments and raging anger are a huge part of depression. There were many things that happened to us at a young age that really tripped us up. We never learned how to process our emotions in a healthy way. It is like having a basement full of stuff that you do not know what to do with. It all piles up and we become overwhelmed. That could be where the awareness comes in and shows us that we are human, and we could just take one little corner of the cluttered basement and slowly, yet steadily clean out what we can.
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