jimmy jamesParochial Pinocchio
October 5th 2008 02:03
Growing up, it was required for us to go to catechism. On Saturday mornings, my brother and I would walk to the corner and wait for the bus to come pick us up and bring us to the church.
I wasn’t too cool with school. I was terrified of kindergarten. Not because of the teachers, I was fearful of the social implications that school represented. So having to take a bus on Saturday mornings to go to a parochial school to learn about religion was traumatic for me. It is my theory that for some of us, catechism could eventually lead to alcoholism, or any of the other ism’s.
da wheels on da bus go SPLAT
The bus driver was compassionate, and she saw that I was struggling to understand what the hell was going on. As the bus started to drive away I looked out the window at my house and I remember feeling overwhelmed by the piercing voices of the other kids that drowned out the rumbling engine of the bus. There are things that happen during the course of your life that sets you up for the way you perceive events, and situations.
Big John came up to me today after the meeting to say hi. We call him big John because he is a BIG man. He is as tall as a building, and he is built for power. He is a great guy, yet he can rub you the wrong way if you are in any way insecure about yourself.
He was sincere in asking how I was feeling and for the very first time since I have known him, he seemed very relaxed and comfortable talking with me, and I felt comfortable talking with him.
We talked about the deaths in my family and how they have been long and drawn out. He listened intently as I told him about my loss.
He said that even though I had lost my brother, that it really wasn’t my loss: “No, he said, “This doesn’t have anything to do with you. Your loss? How do you think your brother feels?” ” How do you think your brother in law feels?” “They both lost their lives”. He asked me not to take it the wrong way but he suggested that I let the dead bury the dead.
The way he talked about death was very spiritual. He was in Vietnam and he certainly saw enough of it. We are only here in a time constraint. We are just spiritual beings in a physical body. When we die, we leave behind the shell, and the nut goes up to heaven (or to Cleveland or any other place you might believe)
He asked if they were good to me. I told him they were and they loved and accepted me for who I was. He smiled and said, “Then maybe that’s what you can do, love and except people”. Sometimes it is that simple.
So, I got to walk out into the midday sun and feel the wind and sun on my face. I felt the tears starting as I walked to my car. There is still that painful pit in my stomach, that heavy feeling deep down and in the middle of my head. But I also felt a wave of strength wash over me. This is really changing me. It is very painful, but there is a change.
I get to walk around today. Every day is a holiday,and every meal is a banquet.
Unlocking my car door, a school bus passed me. I stopped and watched it go by and started to sing:
Pray for the dead and the dead will pray for you.
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Comment by markstarget
And how do we take these feelings and go on? Can we go on?
Comment by jimmy james
Help For Your Depression
Amuse I
Baseball is Good
The Recovery room
When my friend had said let the dead bury the dead, it reminded me of the kids on the bus singing: Pray for the dead and the dead will pray for you....
I feel that what my friend was explaining is how to find a way to deal with their deaths and to move on.
By accepting that they have passed, not me.
I guess it can also depend on hope and faith. If you have a faith you trust, no matter what that faith my be.
Life has a way of turning you upside down. Events happen that change you, give you a different perspective.
I feel that when a person dies, whether it is a loved one or not, it is a sign. A sign that everything is going the way it is supposed to. I may not accept it at first, but if I look at it as the natural order of things, then it helps me to move on.
Jim